21-03-16: Want to write everything down

I.

If somebody recommends a book to me, I know that I probably won't read it, so I just tell them "thanks, by mentioning it you have increased the chance that I will read it later". I have described this system in this Twitter thread.

Unfortunately, the same system doesn't work for two things:

1. Anything that has a deadline. Somebody told me "check out this bookshop's winter sale" a few days ago. The tab is still open.
2. Blog posts. It's midnight right now and I'm typing this instead of trying to fall asleep. This is because I'm afraid that if I don't write a post now, I won't write it at all.

I want to talk about blog posts here.

II.

I want to write down everything I know and everything that could be useful to others. My reasoning is:

• "Everything I think has value, and if I don't write something down, this value is lost. The less I write down, the more I miss."
• "The chance of becoming popular is low. But the more I write, the higher it is."
• "I don't have any other way to become popular."
• "So, I should keep writing. And I should feel like I've lost something every time I could have written something but didn't. This is how I can ensure that I don't miss anything."

I don't feel the same about tweeting, for instance, because I don't feel like anyone can become popular because of Twitter. But I know a bunch of people, like Scott, who (I feel) became popular and liked just because they had a nice blog.

III.

I could beat myself into thinking that I shouldn't want to be popular, or that feeling bad is generally unreasonable. I often try something like this and I think it doesn't work, so I feel bad about trying again.

IV.

Okay.

I feel bad because I am writing and it's useless. "Maybe writing more wouldn't be useless. Should write more."

I could try honestly thinking through "okay, let's say I need to become popular, how would I do that?", but I feel like it's impossible, so I don't want to try.

And then another option occurs to me. What if I actually like writing and want to write regardless of whether it makes me popular? But at the same time I dislike doing useless things, so I feel bad.

Then the solution is to get something good out of writing. Doesn't matter what. Otherwise, duh, it's going to feel bad. Doing a thing over and over and not getting anything in return. (See 21-03-13: I'm not getting anything out of it.)

I think this is the right answer. I am conflicted about writing not because I want to be popular and can't, but because I am not getting anything out of writing. This sucks.

I'm happy I figured this out.

What now? I'll just make a MeisterTask card for recording everything I got out of writing. (See The best self-improvement trick so far: a giant board.) If I keep recording things I got out of writing, eventually I'll feel better about writing and will be able to keep writing without feeling guilty.